Deal with it
by reebajee
Summary: I am a realist, a pacifist and incredibly apathetic. That last trait didn't come about until after I'd shot myself and was reborn though, and maybe a few run-ins with an over-cheery blond might change it.
1. Chapter 1

For now my given name is Kiko. My family name doesn't matter. I was reborn august twelfth after shooting myself in the chest at the age of thirteen.

Being a realist, I had not expected this to happen. Not being suicidal, I was glad it did. Being a baby was a pain, but I could deal with it.

I could not deal with slowly realizing that the people around me could do impossible things.

First and foremost, I am a realist.

I could not deal with my second set of parents trying to train me to kill.

Second most, I am a pacifist.

I'd rather kill myself than someone else and I did. So no, nothing my new parents said or did could make me even think about becoming a ninja. Not threats nor beatings nor abuse. If they attacked me, I didn't fight back. I'd died by a self inflicted bullet wound to the chest. It's not a pleasant way to go. I could deal with a few cuts and bruises. I was also still in denial and had a teenage mind in a toddler's body and took it out on my new family. The dislike was mutual. We were all rather pleased when they eventually gave up on me and sent me to the orphanage. I've been a loner ever since. I went to school because I had to. I didn't make any friends. I told anyone who asked that I was too old for them. I wouldn't elaborate. The family that put me up for adoption was eventually killed off. I wasn't surprised. I got myself one of the most civilian jobs I could manage in a ninja village. I was a seamstress at Women's Touch Mending and Cleaning. I spent my time patching up rips, cleaning out bloodstains and reading chakra theory. It may not have been what I was used to, but I am first and foremost a realist, and I take pride in being well acquainted with the reality I reside in, (once the initial few years of denial wore off.) So I lived my peaceful, dreary, boring life. That is, until one day the blond boy who everyone hates came into my shop.

"Psst! Hey, lady! D'you fix jackets?" The kid asked.

I looked up from the scroll I'd been reading and blinked at the kid with the familiar face. "Who are you?"

He looked taken aback by my blunt question for less than a second before responding, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, Believe it!"

"Naruto Uzumaki…" I mumbled to myself. "Where have I heard that name?"

The boy in question huffed. "Look ya old hag, are you gonna help me or what? No one else will fix my jacket and this is the last place I stopped because the name is so girly."

I rolled my eyes and stuck out a hand. "Give it over brat, and try minding your manners next time you ask for something." He chucked a bright orange ensemble over the counter at me and it finally occurred to me. "Oh," I said, looking at the orange fabric. "You're Naruto."

"That's what I said!" He shouted and I put a hand in his face.

"Shut up." I frowned and looked at him closely. I sighed. "Great. I'm living in that anime my cousin watched. I never saw what the big deal was." I took a good long look at my life. "I still don't."


	2. Chapter 2

I ended up fixing Naruto's jacket for free, slipping a few candies in the pockets before I gave it back to him. It wasn't so much that I _liked_ the kid, he was loud and annoying, but I felt bad for him. Everyone hates him, and from what I know about the dumb show I'm apparently now living in (why me?) he's also the main character. And that isn't a good thing. Main characters go through _trials_ and _challenges,_ they're made to _fight for good_ and oftentimes _save the world_. So really, my picking up the tab for his jacket and giving him some candy was a sign of my condolences. I was saying, _I'm so sorry, I'm glad I'm not you._ He didn't have to take it as some sign of _friendship_ or something. But that's exactly what he did.

The bell on the door jingled as Naruto came bouncing through. "Hey lady!" Was his chipper, if rude, greeting. "Thanks again for paying for my jacket the other time! I was wondering-"

"Sorry kid. One time deal." I cut him off and went back to counting the money in the register.

"Wha-? No! That's not what I was gonna say. And don't call me kid! I'm a real ninja!" Naruto protested.

"Then don't call me 'lady'" I replied.

The kid blinked, shrugged and asked, "Then what's your name?"

"Kiko. Now did you need something?"

Ignoring my one and only attempt at customer service, he barreled on. "Just Kiko? What's your family name?"

"None of your business." I told him flatly.

"Kay, geeze." Naruto muttered, somewhat spooked, as most people are, by my 'done' look. "I was just asking 'cause you didn't want me to call ya lady."

I went back to ignoring him and he shook himself, resuming his casual stance of hands behind head before saying, "Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the candy you gave me! They were great! I especially liked the melon flavored one. Sakura told me I was an idiot for eating candy from strangers, and the bastard Sasuke called me a loser again!" I looked up briefly to see him radiating anger, and unfortunately he caught me stare. Mood brightening in a flash he said, "But I ate the candy and I didn't die or anything and they were really good, so that shows him! And thanks for the really great candy lady!" He bounded over to the register to smile up at me.

I blinked at his exuberance and proceeded to deny everything. "I don't know what you're talking about." I told him. I did not need this kid in my life. I didn't need his main-character-cooties to get all over me. I did not need any more reminders that this world was strange-and-possibly-an-anime. I opened up a book and started reading so I wouldn't have to see him deflate in disappointment. He didn't.

"Come on!" He yelled, only going slightly quieter when I glared at him over my book. "I know it was you, lady. I know I didn't have anything in my pockets before I brought the jacket here since I just came from training and it would've fallen out."

I flipped a page and continued to read. He didn't take the hint, instead choosing to barrel on.

"See? I kept the wrappers, it says 'Junko's mixed fruit taffies' and the only place that sells these things is next door and I know because I looked and see, you even have an empty bag for it in the trash, so you can try to be modest or whatever, but you can't fool me 'cause I'm a super cool ninja and I'm gonna be Hokage!"

When I at last gave up and looked at him it was to the sight of the largest grin I'd ever seen. I've been told I don't have a very emotive face, and that in fact it is rather creepy. So I'm not surprised that as I gazed at him his smile began to falter. Saddened slightly, if I were to go searching for a hint of emotion to name, but not surprised. "Do you always keep candy wrappers and speak in run-on sentences?" I asked.

His strained grin was replaced by a confused expression. "Run-on whatsits?" He shook his head.

 _Does he really not know what a run-on-sentence is?_ I wondered.

"Anyway, you admitted to giving me the candy so now I can give you this!" Naruto pulled out a card and shoved it into my hands. "I gotta go, but I'll come back and visit, lady! And next time I'll bring my teammates to show them you're not a creepy stranger! Bye!"

I was left the sound of the jangling door bell and an empty storefront. "When did I admit to giving him the candy?" I asked the open air. I looked down at the card in my hand; yellow with a crude drawing of a plant and the words 'Thank you, from Naruto' written on it. Was that really necessary? It was just some candy. Did he really get so few gifts that he thought he had to write a thank you note just for that? For lack of anything better to do with it I pinned the card up on the cork board along with the various orders and lists of clients. Then I sighed. It looked like Naruto Uzumaki was here to stay. Something like a smile reached my lips. I could deal with that.


	3. Chapter 3

"Fifty ryo says I can get her to blush." was Kotetsu Hagane's last remark over his shoulder before marching into the shop. He sauntered over to the table I was working at, and when I didn't look up, casually leaned a hand in my line of sight.

This again. And the day had been going so peacefully too… I sighed inwardly, finishing another pass of the iron before carefully setting it on the side and looking up at his cocky smirk. Why did I have to work at the tailor's that the shinobi frequented? Oh yes, because if I left it would make my boss cry and I owed her my life for removing my name from the clan registry. Damn guilt-tripping woman. I folded my hands over the garment I was working on and raised my eyebrows. "Is there something you need Hagane?"

His smile widened. "Oh, I just wanted to say you look absolutely lovely today- like always. You know that apron _really_ suits you."

I nodded noncommittally. "I assume that's why the owner picked it out as the uniform."

"Well, it looks great on you." Kotetsu leaned further over the table, "Say, Kiko, how about a date?"

"No." I picked up the iron again and got back to work.

I saw him pout at his friend waiting outside from my peripheral vision. Turning back he cajoled, "Come on, I can show you a _really_ good time~"

"Don't tempt a woman with a hot iron near your fingers Hagane." I told him.

"Is that a yes?" he asked, but removed his hand from the ironing board nonetheless.

"It is a threat." I told him blandly. "If you don't stop perusing me, I will make you wish you did."

He chuckled nervously before regaining his bravado. "Big words for a cute little civilian woman."

I gave him a brief look. "I never said I'd do it myself."

"Ah what I meant was…" He coughed, then regained his confidence for the second time. "Anything I can do to change your mind?" He asked in a low, seductive voice.

"No."

"Nothing?" He asks again.

I considered, then told him in the sweetest voice I could manage, though it sounded mostly like my usual monotone only higher, "Nothing would please me more, Hagane, if…"

"If?" He took the bait.

I looked away coyly, then up through my bangs and said, "Nothing would please me more than if you'd go away and leave me alone."

He blanched, "What? Kiko you wound me!"

"I'm sure you've had worse." I told him dryly.

"Why do you keep rejecting me, my love?" Kotetsu asked with a dramatic hand to his heart.

"Hm." I thought about it. _Because I won't win your bets for you? Because you're not really interested?_ I decided to go with my third reason. "You bother me."

He shook his head morosely. "I'm sorry to hear that, Kiko-"

"Are you really?" I muttered.

"-because I have some clothes that need to be fixed and I only trust you to do it."

I sighed in relief. Finally, down to business. "Alright. Where are these clothes?"

"I'm wearing them."

I gave him my most unimpressed look.

* * *

~Omake~

Kotetsu groaned as he left the shop in just his boxers, Izumo merely smiling at his friend's pain. "I believe you owe me fifty ryo, Kotetsu."

"Oh shut up!" Kotetsu complained. "I've got needle pricks all along my leg from this dumb bet. Haven't I suffered enough?"

Izumo raised an eyebrow. "It was your idea to have her sew your pants while you were wearing them…"

Kotetsu grumbled, rubbing his inner thigh. "Vicious woman."

"…and while I do love seeing you in pain my dear friend, I still want my fifty ryo." Izumo held out his hand expectantly.

Kotetsu crossed his arms. "Hah! No way, she totally blushed when I took my shirt off. So if anything, _you_ owe _me!_ "

"She did not, I was looking through the window." Izumo pointed out.

"Then you weren't close enough to see!"

"Why don't we go back and ask her then?" Izumo asked smugly.

Kotetsu paled, "Ah no. I'm not getting near that place until my leg recovers from being used as a pincushion. I'll fork over the cash." He patted his butt then promptly lost the rest of the color from his face. "Ah shit, I left it in my pants' pocket!"

Izumo's laughter could be heard down the block.


	4. Chapter 4

_I stand rigid and frozen as a cold metal object is thrust into my trembling hands. I look down. A… gun. It's a gun. A pistol._

"Shoot him" _the voice orders. I stare forward, horrified. Before me a servant is on his knees, shaking, begging, sobbing for his life. I gulp, right before a blade is held against my neck. The metal is hot from the psycho's pocket, his chest pressed against my back. I stare straight forward, even as the man leans forward to press his cheek against my auburn curls. He whispers in my ear,_ "Come on, sweetie, just pull the trigger. It's fun!"

 _We both jolt as the door slams open behind us. "Boss!"_

 _The man at my back relaxes, turning to look at his subordinate while keeping the knife at my throat and his disgusting hand on my shoulder._ "What is it?" _he asks irritated. I keep my eyes straight ahead, staring into my victim's eyes as I cock the gun. I'm unblinking, even as_ his _disgusting hand slithers_ down. _I'm still in my birthday dress, I realize._

 _" The ambassador is now aware we have his daughter. We going for ransom or bait?" My lips purse as the horrifying man chuckles,_ "Let's leave it to our friend the ambassador, shall we? It will be like a surprise!" _But I know what'll really happen. There's no mystery in my father's action, he will undoubtedly attempt a rescue for 'daddy's little princess'. He'll demand proof I am alive, pretending to bring the ransom when really… he'll just be bringing more soldiers to their death. All for_ me. _So much death, just for me_. _The disgusting man turns his full attention back to me, pressing against my back more intimately than before and suddenly it's too much._ "Now, love-" _Before he can react my hands turn the gun around pressing it point blank to my chest-_ if he doesn't get the fuck away from me he'll die too - _and pull the trigger._

.

 _Pain._

 _Pain!_

 ** _! ! ! !_**

PAIN!

Awake. The phantom sensation of a hole in my chest took over my conscious for a few seconds. Breathing hitched, I couldn't move. I couldn't _move!_ Where was I? Open my eyes, couldn't open my eyes!

 ** _! ! !_**

 _! !_

!

Cloth touched skin; blankets, futon, nightgown. Breeze from the window, the smell of rain, chirping birds. Once the initial panic of sleep paralysis settled down, I cataloged all the sensations I could without opening my eyes. Eventually I could move again. Slowly, slowly, I got up. Long, black, _straight_ hair fell over my hunched shoulders. My eyes remained closed. Unwilling to see the world through these eyes just yet, I ran my hands over my arms in slow, soothing circuits, feeling the goose bumps and pausing over the scars on my upper arms…

 ** _"_** ** _Hit the target!"_** _shoot him…!_

I shook my head very slowly.

 ** _"_** ** _Attack your brother, Kiko!"_** _pull the trigger…_

My hands continued to my shoulders, more scars.

 ** _"_** ** _Kano! Attack her until she fights back!"_** _it'll be fun-!_

No. I wasn't there. This wasn't the compound or the mansion.

 ** _"_** ** _Worthless child! Refusing the gift you were born with. Will a beating show you sense?"_**

I couldn't breathe. My hands had reached my neck. Unknowingly, they'd begun to constrict. My hands stilled. With one last squeeze of my fingers around my throat, I got up to start the day.

.

God, I hated mornings.


	5. Chapter 5

I take it back. I couldn't deal with this kid. At least not like I was used to dealing with things. He's loud, irritating, and can't take a hint. And he's so goddamn genuine that I couldn't bear to push him away with force lest I break him. Before Naruto, I'd never had this problem. I'd never cared to be 'nice'. I got people to leave me alone just by being myself. But Naruto wouldn't leave me alone. He came into my quiet little world like a whirlwind and shook it up by storm.

 **BAM!** Jingle… "HEY LADY!"

"It's Kiko, Naruto."

"Ya well you'll never guess what happened on a mission…"

(- . -)

 **BAM!** Jingle… "KIKO!"

"What is it Naruto?"

"A cat messed up my jacket…"

(-_-')

 **BAM!** Jingle… "KIKO!"

"Yes Naruto?"

"D'you got any more of that candy?"

(-_-")

 **BAM!** Jingle… I'd gotten pretty used to the sound of the door slamming open.

"KIKO! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!"

Hm. He usually didn't shout past his initial greeting. _Something_ might actually be wrong. I looked up, slightly concerned. He held up his jacket with big wobbling eyes.

"Th-the zipper's broken! Something got stuck in it and I can't get it to work and I tried to fix it but I just made it worse!"

I took the ensemble out of his hands. He had indeed made it worse.

"Wh-what's the verdict Kiko?" He swiped an arm over his watering eyes. The dramatics didn't get to me. I was just surprised he knew the word verdict. "It's okay, you can tell me! Jacket-chan and I have had a good long run! You'll always be with me in my heart Jacket-chan!"

"Relax, I can just replace the zipper."

(The amount of teary thanks I got after that fiasco was exhausting and shall not be named.)

"Why is this jacket so loose on you anyway?" I asked as I deftly removed the seams with a seam-ripper.

"It's a habit, I guess. I always used to get hand-me-downs that were too large, and they're useful in case you get caught by a civilian who doesn't know not to hold you just by the clothes. Easy to wiggle out of."

"Why would a civilian want to catch you?"

"Uh, for pranking, duh!"

"You're more of a nuisance than you're worth." I told Naruto when I handed back his jacket.

"Awe, I know you like me. You put my card up on the wall! That's proof!"

(u_u)

I found myself sewing a green frog coin purse in my spare time for a certain blond Uzumaki who kept losing his change.

(^_^)


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto was, of course, overjoyed when I gave him his gift. It spurred him into a long story about how in the Academy kids would always steal his lunch money out of his pockets and then he'd get punished by the teachers for 'losing' his allowance.

"After that I started keeping my money in my goggles so it didn't happen anymore but then I got my super awesome leaf headband and I had to keep my money in my pockets again but now that I have Gama-chan I can fill him up with coins and it'll be way easier to tell if someone is trying to pull him out of my pocket to steal from me!" Naruto enthused. "Man, if I had this back at the Academy I'd never have had to worry about that stupid finder's keepers rule at all!"

"That wasn't a rule back when I went to the academy." I regretted my words as soon as I said them. I hoped the kid wouldn't hear, too caught up in his story to tell that I had said anything. But apparently the novelty of my speaking at all during one of his rants was enough to catch his attention.

"Huh? You went to the academy?" Naruto eagerly asked. "But you're a civilian!"

I sighed, more annoyed at myself than him. I brought this on myself after all. "I went for a while. But then my immediate family got killed in the third war and I was finally allowed to drop out and go to civilian school." I explained. I looked up at Naruto's unusual silence after that to see him with a soft look on his face.

"...What were they like?" He asked timidly.

I felt a sad smile work its way onto my lips. "My family? Well…" I hesitated but in the end decided to tell him. In a way, we're both orphans after all. "I was an only child. Mother didn't seem so keen on having children. It was my father who really adored me, even if he couldn't be around very often. I was such a spoiled little brat back then. I got everything I wanted and could do whatever I pleased, but it was never enough because my father wasn't around when I wanted him to." I chuckled softly. "It feels like a lifetime ago. I loved my parents and I realize now that they loved me, but in the end I still left them. I mean they left me." I corrected myself hastily. "I thought I knew the meaning of sacrifice. I didn't know how lucky I was back then, didn't understand that some parents abuse their children and some children don't have parents at all. I guess… I don't really regret… _it_. There was no way I could have known, nothing else I could have done."

I suspect that incident is what led to Naruto making good on his promise to bring his teammates to the shop. Unfortunately for my sanity it happened on one of the worst possible days.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Hi guys, I baaaack~! I just started posting another Naruto fic called '** Welcome to the M.A.D. House **'. It's about how I think Konoha would deal with disabling conditions, injuries and diseases, and a girl from the my invention; Medical Anomalies Division (M.A.D.) who got onto team 7. So leave a review here and go check that story out on my profile. And have a great day!**


	7. Chapter 7

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

"You're paying for that door, Maito-San." I said without looking up from my work.

"Ah, Youthful as ever, Kiko!" Gai bellowed. "I am in need of assistance once more, fair maiden!"

I had just gotten Might Gai to leave the shop after dropping off a bolt of green spandex for another custom unitard when I heard their bickering voices coming down the street and filtering through the recently broken door.

"Come on Sasuke! Just come in and meet her. She's really nice. Wait, don't leave Sakura-chan, please? We don't need the teme anyway."

My eyes froze on the spot in the newspaper I was reading, hoping, praying that some miraculous disaster would sway their intended path. I did not need another headache coming in here. Alas, it appeared that not actually believing in the god I was praying to hampered his willingness to bestow mercy on me. That or Jesus didn't exist here, and two seconds after my silent pleas for peace, a pair of arguing children came barreling through the doorway.

"Waa! Sorry, okay he's not a bastard! I said sorry Sakura-chan! Hey whaddya think happened to the door?"

I sighed and lifted the newspaper higher in front of my face, wishing once again for a pair of headphones and the social 'do-not-disturb sign' that they implied. But knowing Naruto, he wouldn't have heeded them even if they did exist.

"See Sakura-chan? This place totally isn't sketch!" Naruto shouted at what _must_ have been the top of his lungs. I flinched minutely, but otherwise tried to stay still in the hopes that they wouldn't notice me.

"Oh, look! There's some more of the candy I got!" Naruto bounded over to the bowl of sweets on the counter, taking a handful. I bit back the urge to snap that those were for customers only- if he'd just _leave_ then he could have it for all I cared. "Here! Try some!" Great, he was offering them to his friend. Looked like I'd have to restock after this if they acted anything like how I remember kids did at Halloween. "They're really, really good, believe it!" Naruto went on.

"Naruto!" The girl shrieked. Ugh, why do kids have such annoying voices? "Put those back! You're supposed to just take one!"

"But they're good!" Naruto whined, speaking around what sounded like a mouthful of candy. "Try some Sakura!"

"I'm on a diet." The girl demurred with a sigh.

Oh thank god. Maybe they'll leave…

"Whatever, your loss." Naruto said. "Anyway, I want you guys to meet the really nice lady who gave me the candy! Heeey Laa-!"

When my newspaper was suddenly pulled down from my face I leveled him with a murderous glare.

"Ack!" Naruto jumped back to a safe distance. "Sh-she looks like Sasuke on a bad day." Naruto shivered.

Sakura's eyes widened. "You're right! They could almost be related!"

"No way! Sasuke is way girlier than Kiko." He denied.

"What!"

While Naruto and Sakura began to argue over the respective femininity of my features compared to their friend, I took the chance to once again erecting a social and visual barrier between myself and the bothersome kids; straightening out the newspaper with a flick of my wrist. I sighed contentedly, relaxing comfortably into the chair and resuming my read. Alas, it was not to be.

"Anyway, that lady glaring at us behind the newspaper is Kiko-none-of-your-business. She wouldn't tell me her family name 'cause she said it was none of her business, so that's what I call her!"

I blinked. He's never once called me that, so unless he talks about me to others, then that is not what he calls me. He probably made that up on the spot to impress his friend.

"Why's her family name none of your business?" The Sakura asked.

"That is also none of your business." I interjected. The girl blinked at me apparently having forgotten my presence entirely and whispered behind her hand, "Sheesh, Naruto. You sure this is the _nice_ lady you were talking about?"

"I may not be nice, but I'm also not deaf." I told her sternly, folding up my paper at last. "And you both are being exceedingly rude."

Needless to say, neither of us seemed to strike a very good first impression with the other, much to Naruto's disappointment. I didn't feel bad. I didn't. It's not may fault they caught me in a bad mood and no one but Naruto can handle my gruff personality. Naruto's puppy dog eyes when I ordered them both out of the store did not affect me. Not one bit.

* * *

 **Note:**

 **I rewrote this chapter _waaay_ too many times.**

 **Deleted scene:**

"K-Kiko?" Naruto nervously spoke, "I- I'm sorry for pulling down your newspaper…"

"Hn." I made a sound of acknowledgment. Over the top of the newspaper I saw Naruto and Sakura exchange a look, both glancing at Sasuke before back at each other. Sakura made a shooing motion.

"…a-and, um, sorry for taking so much candy…"

"And?"

Naruto gulped, "And calling you lady…"

"Anything else?" I asked, folding up my paper with resignation.

"Uh, no?" Naruto answered uncertainly.

"You're sorry for forgetting to use your inside voice and barging into the shop like a rampaging bull, aren't you?" I told him.

"Huh? No, I-" Naruto began, confused. I cut him off with my intense stare. "You're sorry for barging in and not using your inside voice, _aren't you?_ " I repeated again. Sakura elbowed him hard.

"Y-yes! I'm sorry! Sorry for barging in! And yelling!" Naruto stammered.

My gaze softened. "You're forgiven. Now, who are your friends?" (Of course I already knew. I'd picked up their names from the argument and easily connected them to the ones Naruto would mention in his visits.)

"This is Sakura and Sasuke, believe it!" Naruto enthusiastically introduced.

I gave my head a curious tilt. "You wouldn't be the Sakura who keeps calling Naruto an idiot, would you?"

The girl paled and stared to bluster, "I- I… Naruto!" She whirled on him in angry embarrassment.

"Ah! N-No, Kiko, that wasn't her!" Naruto exclaimed, waving his arms back and forth.

"Oh, it must have been some other Sakura." I nodded at them. Then I turned to Sasuke. "So I'm guessing you're also _not_ the boy who calls Naruto a Loser, right?"

When Sasuke didn't answer, Naruto gulped and said, "Yeah, that's a- a different Sasuke."

I smiled and they all took a cautious step back. "Well, so long as you aren't _those_ Sasuke and Sakura, welcome to the shop."

 **Yeah, however much confrontational mama bear Kiko amuses me, that's just not her character.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank Thomas Drovin for the fast updates. His reviews have greatly motivated me!**

* * *

"Team seven." The desk ninja repeated.

"Yes."

"You're specifically requesting team seven for a D-rank mission."

I leveled him with an impatient stare. "That's what I said."

The man leaned forward with a concerned look on his face. "You're aware," he whispers, "that's the team the demon-?"

"I'm well acquainted with Naruto and am in need of his particular skill sets." I ground out. Honestly, I didn't understand the need for all this blasted red tape. It was a D-rank mission for god's sake! If I wanted to abduct the kid I would do it on one of the hundred times he visits me alone, not by _hiring his whole genin team,_ thereby having his visit _on record_ and also having _two other genin and a jonin to witness and interfere._ I'm a civilian, not an idiot.

The ninja narrowed his eyes. "And what 'particular skill sets' would those be?" He asked dubiously.

My face relaxed into its usual blank mask. "Pranking." I told him flatly, an implied 'obviously' tacked on.

The desk ninja blinked. Then his confusion turns to an irritated scowl. "Ma'am, I'm sorry but pranking is not something we can condone our genin to-,"

I leaned forward. The ends of my hair brushed the counter and acted as a privacy curtain so no one but the man directly in front of me could see my face. "Naruto," I begin very softly, gently, very, very creepily, "has for some unknown reason taken a liking of me. A male customer, has performed problematic and unwanted advances on my person. Due to the frequency of both aforementioned people entering the shop, it is only a matter of time until the container sees his beloved 'nee-chan' being sexually harassed and will likely take rash actions on his own." I saw with satisfaction that the desk ninja has gone pale. "In order to avoid _collateral damage_ , would it not be best to preemptively arrange a time where he can defend my virtue while having his team and _jonin sensei_ there to supervise?"

"I- well," The receptionist stammered, "but you- you can't hire ninja to prank someone! It would set a precedent. Imagine the kind of chaos if everyone with petty grievances-,"

I took a deep breath through my nose, praying for the patience not to tear this asshole a new one for calling sexual harassment a 'petty grievance.' Granted, what Hagane does isn't actually that bad, but this guy didn't know that. "Look," I cut him off, "let me put it this way: I pay you and nothing gets destroyed, or I don't pay you and you have an angry jinchuriki on the loose." I smiled sweetly at his appalled face. "Do we have a deal?"

The desk ninja wordlessly signed the D-rank request form.

I lowered my gaze so he wouldn't see me roll my eyes. I can't remember the last time I put in so much effort to make someone happy. It really would have been so much easier to just ask Naruto to do it, but the poor kid has been trying so hard to get his second teammate in to meet me only to find that Sakura's lackluster report has 'scared Sasuke off'. I feel I owe it to him to at least help meet his team since I wasn't very pleasant last time...

That and Kotetsu definitely has it coming.

* * *

 **Note: I added a deleted scene to the previous chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

The bell over the door to the shop chimes but I don't look up from my knitting. I know who it is anyway.

"Kiko!" Naruto's jubilant shout pierces the air and for some reason I can't find it in me to be annoyed. Perhaps it is the copious misfortunes I know the loud brat will soon be setting upon a certain chunin that lightens my mood and makes me more forgiving. Ah yes. Sweet revenge. Still, no matter how tolerant I'm feeling it wouldn't do to let him get away with the shouting.

"Naruto." I reply flatly, "Inside voice." My bent head shields my amused smile from view.

"Sorry Kiko!" He amends in a stage whisper.

"Huh. Impressive." A new (slightly put out) voice remarks, no doubts in regards to my getting Naruto to quiet down.

To this I do look up, into the masked face of Sharingan no Kakashi. I smirk ever so slightly. "It's about respect, really." I reply faux casually, the subtle dig slipping out. I really shouldn't, I know, but I'm in such a delightfully spiteful mood, I almost can't help it. Hatake doesn't give any impression whether he notices or not but he's a jonin so that goes without saying.

"Hello again, Kiko." Sakura politely bows, though her smile is somewhat fixed.

Setting aside my knitting I nod to her. "Sakura." Then I look past her to the mysterious Sasuke and freeze.

Cold black eyes.

Endless.

Void.

 _Seething._

Cold eyes mean violence.

My breath catches and all I can think is _No, get out! Stay away from me-!_

"So, so what's the mission? Eh, Kiko?" I snap my gaze over to Naruto who is bouncing on his toes. For the second before my heart rate slows, I consider kicking them all out and forgetting this ever happened. But I can't do that to Naruto so I settle for just forgetting the existence of his second teammate. Oblivious to my momentary panic, Naruto rambles on. "We didn't get a mission scroll at all and nobody even briefed us on what we're gonna do. It's some super secret spy mission right? I bet it's not actually a D-rank mission at all and that's just a cover and you and old man Hokage are finally recognizing my awesome talent as a ninja!" Somehow, miraculously, the hyperactive blonde's overactive imagination manages to soothe my nerves and restore my previous light mood.

Sakura looks about to reprimand Naruto with her fist when my low ominous chuckle cuts her off. "Well… you're not wrong." I say of his wild speculations. Instantly I have the three genin's attention. I look up with mischievously hooded eyes. "This mission _is_ highly unusual, and due to its… _nature_ , I'm not surprised the mission desk was reluctant to have it documented." By now I can feel seven eyes boring into me. "As your target is a ninja, the level for this mission should in fact be as high as a B-rank."

Sakura gasps. "B-rank? But those are only assigned to experienced chunin!"

Naruto's eyes are huge. "So why'd you choose _us_ huh? They said you requested team seven specifically!"

I lean forward conspiratorially, and the three genin subconsciously take a step closer. "I don't know much about you two," I say glancing at Sakura and around Sasuke, "but you, Naruto, have specific skills this mission will require." Staring deep into his glittering blue eyes I seriously tell him, "I would have no one but you perform this mission Naruto."

His face sets in grim determination tinged with elation. "I won't let you down Kiko!"

"What's the mission?" a cool voice interrupts my thoughts and I flinch minutely. It's been years since I've had to read the nuances in Uchiha monotone, but his emotions easily come through to me nonetheless; curiosity tinged with rivalry and impatience. I resume my knitting I'd previously set down in order to gather myself. Sasuke then takes another step closer. I tense further. "Is that… senbon and ninja wire?" He asks incredulously.

"How astute of you." I drawl with a sneer. For a split second my gaze flits to his face and my expression twists-

I turn back to Naruto. He has a pensive look on his face, glancing between his rival and me. I clear my throat. "Your mission is... to _dissuade_ Hagane Kotetsu from making any more unwanted romantic advances towards my person through whatever means you deem suitable…" with a wink at Naruto I add, "though I myself am partial to pranking him."

Hooting with glee, Naruto's previously thoughtful expression is gone in a flash. "Hell yeah! I'm gonna make him regret he even _looked_ at you Kiko-nee!"

I blink in surprise. _Kiko-nee?_ I'd implied Naruto thought of me as family when applying for the mission but I didn't _really_ think-

"All right, all right." Hatake mutters, placing a hand atop Naruto's head to stop his jumping up and down. "You can take lead for this one, Naruto. Sakura, you're in charge of distracting the target and updating the boys of his location through the intercom. Sasuke, lend Naruto an extra pair of hands and make sure he doesn't get carried away. I want this safe for innocent bystanders. No collateral. Understood?"

He's answered with a chorus of "Hai!"

"Good, head out." The one-eyed jonin turns back to me. "Now, Kiko. Might I have a word?"


	10. Chapter 10

"Kiko. Might I have a word?" It's framed as a polite request but I know it is anything but.

Once again my good mood flies out the window. I think today has had more ups and downs than the entirety of my second existence. I've slowly become more emotive since Naruto barged into my life and I can't tell if it's a good thing. Especially considering the company Naruto seems to bring in his wake. Of all the people who could be on Naruto's team, of all the people who could be his sensei, it has to be him. Damn it. I'd hired a genin team to get rid of a chunin nuisance in my life, only to get their jonin sensei nosing his way in there instead.

I take a steadying breath and nod in the direction of the back work room. He follows me in and closes the door behind him. No doubt an intimidation tactic. Asshole. Leaning against the counter I cross my arms and wait for him to start. He doesn't. I wait. Hatake stands slumped, hands in his pockets and stares at me.

I clench my hands around my arms. "I'm not telling him." I finally break the silence. "So you can stop wasting both our time an leave."

"Mah," Hatake drawls pulling out his book, "tell who what?"

My tense posture goes lax in surprise and confusion. I was so sure- I'd thought- "Then… what do you want?"

He hums in response. "Just to get to know my cute little genin's favorite Kiko-nee. Naruto is quite enamored with you, you know." He raises a silver brow. "How did that happen?"

Realization hits and I give Kakashi a deadpan stare. "Does this happen to every adult who gets close to Naruto or just me because of who I am?"

He lazily turns a page in his book. "Does what happen?"

"Get interrogated on my intentions toward your precious little jinchuriki."

Hatake stiffens ever so minutely and I can only tell because a finger curls on the spine of his book. "Why would you think that's what this is?" His tone is casual, uncaring, but I can tell that he's not.

"Just because I'm civilian doesn't mean I'm ignorant or an idiot." I feel like I should write this on my forehead for how often shinobi tend to forget it. "I know what he is, what he means to the village and what people think of him. Given the circumstances you obviously don't think I'm harmless or else why else would you be here? And don't give me some crap about wanting to meet your student's loved ones. Naruto said you've turned down every invitation Sakura gave you to meet her parents."

"You're pretty paranoid for a civilian, Kiko. What are you trying to hide?" Kakashi diverts.

"You already know what I have to hide." I retort with irritation.

He hums noncommittally. Over the top of his book Hatake pins me under an appraising stare. "You're different Kiko. Why has Naruto succeeded where Obito failed?"

I give him an incredulous look.

Hatake misconstrues my silence and offers up his own guesses. "Is now just better timing? Or does it only have to do with lineage?"

I shake my head. "Neither. Naruto is just in a class all his own. I can see where your haunted, guilt-ridden mind might see a parallel, but really the two aren't all that much alike."

Hatake snaps his book shut with a shrug, but I can tell he is uncomfortable. "If you say so." We've strayed into personal waters and so as always, Hatake takes this as his cue to leave. What a hypocrite.


	11. Chapter 11

The door bangs shut and I clench my fist in the wake of Hatake's absence. I look down at the counter with unfocused eyes and sigh. The village suspects me. Hatake probably hates me. I mouthed off to a jonin. What was I thinking? My mind comes up blank as I continue to stare unblinkingly into space. I let my watering eyes slide shut and take a deep breath through my nose… let it out. I uncurl my fist.

The truth is that I'm scared. Terrified. Like most humans I dislike pain, I fear death. I am a pacifist in a world of violence. This is a world where threats are eliminated without mercy, where 'better safe than sorry' equates 'safety' with the utter annihilation of any possible enemy. I cannot afford to be threatening when my chosen life as a civilian leaves me defenseless to fight back. Powerless. Weak. _Your useless sentimentality will only get you killed!_

I collect shards of ice around me and build back up the walls a certain ball of sunshine had begun to melt. With a few more minutes of steady breathing, I'm once again numb. Violence is never the answer. I will endure. I refuse to add more pain to this suffering world. If I must sacrifice myself to do so then so be it. I'll deal. My hand reaches up to rub at the center of my chest, soothing phantom pain from a bullet all those years ago.

If only… I wasn't so alone.

 _Why do people hurt each other, Papa?_

 _Because that's just what they do._

I put a palm to my forehead, trying to think past the invasive memories. The simplest solution would of course be to distance myself from Naruto. But simple doesn't mean easy. The kid's a leech. I sigh explosively and run a hand through the black strands of hair falling in my face. Didn't I know this would happen? He's a main character for goodness sake. The kid's bound to bring trouble wherever he goes. And it's not like he even needs me. I'm not a ninja, I'm not a character of his story, and I'm not even from this world. Yet here I am hiring his team just to make him happy. The best course of action is to cut ties. No Naruto- no suspicious shinobi. No Naruto- no Uchiha teammate, no meddlesome jonin sensei, nor squealing Sakura. I can do this. I'm good at pushing people away. I've done it my whole life. I look up at the bulletin board where a cheerful yellow thank-you card is pinned. Pulling it down I regretfully throw it in the trash. Yeah. I can deal with it. … But can he?

I squeeze my eyes shut. Why is this my life? Oh yeah, because against my better judgment I let an anime hero worm his way into my heart. I close my eyes and lean my head back, thinking of my Naruto-obsessed cousin. _Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,_ I tell the vision of her in my head, _I know I said I'd never get attached to a cartoon character, but this isn't really what I meant._ I ignore her imagined spluttering at my use of the word 'cartoon' and go on. _I also never thought I'd get imprisoned or killed by a character and that's looking more and more likely all the time. Any suggestions?_

Unfortunately my conjured cousin has no answer. At this point I've lived longer in this life than I did in the previous one and my memories are not what they once were. For goodness' sake, I'd only recently figured out that the world I'd been living in for twenty some years was the manga she used to prattle on about. _Romanticized violence,_ I'd always called it, and she always called me a stick in the mud. I call myself a realist.

But here I am, a pacifist in a world of aggression. Am I powerless? Weak? Afraid? I'm the last one most definitely, almost constantly in fact. Only an idiot or propaganda-fed patriot wouldn't feel the slightest fear at being surrounded by powerful mercenaries and assassins. But I am neither. I know my own vulnerability. I know the thin line I walk. I know the dangers I face on the path I've chosen to tread. I would not fight in their war. I would not fight for my clan. I held my peacefulness above all else and in a ninja village it's no wonder that caused my loyalty to be suspect.

It's funny. I'm a civilian from a noble clan, defenseless by choice, and yet it is that very mindset, so different from their own, that makes them fear me. What do they think I'll do? Use the Kyuubi to dismantle the whole shinobi system? Bring about peace by killing off all the ninja? That's probably the closest thing these people can conceive of actual pacifism.


End file.
